We Had a Talk

And we'll have many more before long. My twelve year old goes off to high school on September 3, 2012 and life as we know it will inevitably change. One thing that cannot change from my end is the free flow of information, even if it seems to fall on deaf ears. So we had a talk today; about condoms specifically.

Talking to him about sex has been a rolling process, releasing age appropriate details at every stage, building on a foundation of respect for self and responsible behaviour. This was an important installment as we approach the teen years. Although we spoke about waiting and marriage, I'm pragmatic, my parents didn't know about my first time and chances are, I won't know about his. As a mother talking to your son about sex, it may seem more challenging than it needs to be. In the end for me, biology is an important baseline.

We started the talk at home and began the demonstration in our pharmacy, where he asked for the condom himself. It is important to me that he knows that buying condoms is a simple exercise. If you're a prude or very religious in your outlook, you may not approve of my approach; but I don't need your approval so no harm done. Everything up to this point has been much within my control, so I'll use what leverage I still have to drive my message home. At this point it's a simple but critical message - don't ever feel afraid or ashamed to protect yourself; buying condoms should be easy and painless.

To be clear the discussion up to and including now has been about the body as a temple. Temple being a metaphor for respect, reverence, love, pride, cherish, special, wonderful, relationship and personal responsibility. It has included the meaning and significance of "no", in a sexual context. A girl's no means just that; not maybe, not perhaps, not I'm just kidding, just no.  For him, saying no may not be as easy, the male ego is a strange beast, but hopefully the idea that he too can say, no, will stick. 

So we drove home listening to "Watch the Throne", with him giving me side glances when the language was harsh, and me skipping to the songs with fewer swear words. No we don't always listen to "parental advice" music but I won't pretend he doesn't hear them so sometimes I indulge him. He's learned to skillfully navigate the F word because I'm clear that it's not worth getting into trouble over. At home he started the demo with “pinch, leave an inch" and I explained what the inch is for. He opened the packet, removed one of the two condoms and he practiced on three fingers before going to the bathroom to try on the condom. He emerged from the bathroom and advised that it didn't fit because his penis wasn't erect. I replied, “yes, I know” and reminded him that if it doesn't fit he's not ready to have sex. He wondered if it'll ever fit and I assured him that, in time, it will fit just right. 

He asked me why he will need to wear one and I gave him only two reasons; to protect himself and his partner from disease and to prevent pregnancy. He asked, “so what if she wants to get pregnant”, I advised him that the decision to be a father is his to make as well and if she can't wait, she should find someone else to be with. He asked when to put it on and I told him before and that he is always responsible for his own protection. I entertained and answered all his questions, some totally (or apparently) unrelated. I advised him how to dispose of a used condom, and then he washed his hands and asked if dinner was ready.

This was one of those milestone moments and it wasn't easy. It was an acknowledgment that my baby is not a baby anymore and how quickly it all happens. He first asked me what a condom is when he was seven years old and the answer then did not include the details of how to use one or what one looked like. Today was different; today I had to see a man in the making and hope, that when the time comes, his values will guide him.

 

Yes, today we had a talk and, we'll have it many more times before long because this, like everything else so far, is worth repeating.

Olympics 2012 - Letter to a Son

Dearest Usain,

I'm writing to you as a mother would, with the pride and love that comes with seeing you succeed at the thing you are best at and, passionate about. I know it has been incredibly hard work but you are blessed with an amazing gift and we are so proud of how you have taken the nation, indeed the entire world with you on this journey of a lifetime. So here are a few words of advice from a fan and, over the subsequent paragraphs I ask that you imagine me as your mom.

Picture by Ricardo Makyn - Gleaner Staff Photographer

Take care of your health, both physical and emotional; you will not always be young. So when the roar of the crowds subside and father time has has taken your speed you will need to remain, a strong and healthy man. Your history is already written and for many generations to come you will be the subject of discussions, writings and even scientific studies. Do not take your health for granted for old age can be cruel to those who failed to do the right things in their youths.

Manage your money so that you will be able to enjoy the life to which you have grown accustomed and when you make a family of your own, they too will be financially secure. Be mindful that many very wealthy persons have tasted bankruptcy because they were neither prudent nor wise with their money. Always give some away for all the right reasons, there is no shame in generosity but not every cause should be yours to support. Sometimes you'll just have to say no - don't feel guilty.

If you have not already done so, accept with humility that, you are not an ordinary citizen and be cautious with your words and actions. You cannot control what others say or write about you, but you must be certain of your own utterances. Mistakes will be made, our humanity guarantees this. You see, your reputation is as much about you as it is about who people think and say you are; much of which is beyond your control. Your character however is yours to guard and protect, never delegate that job.

Know for certain, that someone in whom you place much trust may disappoint you and it will hurt. Ask Jesus, for as you know, he was both betrayed and nailed to a cross. Do not contain your trust however, but accept that it is never enough and be sure to reinforce it with the the necessary mechanisms for the protection of that which is most important to you. When your trust is breached, be generous with your forgiveness for the burden of other people's evils is not yours to carry.

Never allow your schedule to exclude your parents; if you are too busy to spend time with them, check yourself. Carve out that time and make it non-negotiable. Never allow them to feel as if you no longer need them, even if you think or know you don't. Ask for their advice every now and then and take it sometimes for, as you're probably already noticing, there's really nothing new under the sun. That includes all this advice. Always make time for the youth; many see you as the only real evidence that they can make it. They can be somebody, they can go far.

Remain wide eyed and open minded, that's how you learn and there will be lots of lessons for you. You have travelled the world but much of it has been viewed through the prism of stadia. Your love of people and places is evident so stay alert because as the 1998 Aerosmith song goes you "don't want to miss a thing".  Soak it up, have fun, even take a few risks, but recognise when it's time to move on and go with grace when that time comes.

My son, I know this will take somewhat more than 9.63 seconds of your precious time but take your time. Read a paragraph at a time and know that I believe in you and all you are capable of. The world is your oyster right now but, in time, it will be someone else's. Be sure to carve out that place in it that does not require the roar of the crowd and the adoration of the fans for its sustenance.

You are blessed, you are loved, you are human, and the 'Earth loves you'. Love yourself, respect yourself, and keep your faith. Oh, and one more thing; when this is all over go back to school and finish your education. Do something interesting and fun, not because you have to, but just because you can.

With much love,

One of the many other Moms.

Jamaican Track & Field - How to Silence The Nay-Sayers

In the weeks leading up to the London Olympics the idle chatter from former athletes like Carl Lewis and Maurice Greene has grown louder. For Lewis' part he has not bothered to hide his contempt for Usain Bolt with his tacit suggestions of drug use. Having had is own brush with a doping scandal in the mid 1980s one would have thought Lewis would be less accusing as he had to fight to have his name cleared.

That said however I would like to suggest a programme for Lewis, Greene and others like them who want to understand Jamaica's sprint success for it didn't start with Bolt, Ottey or even Quarry. The failure to understand and appreciate the extent of track and field as a part of our system of education makes it near impossible to understand the outcomes that you see.

Let's therefore invite  Carl Lewis, Maurice Green et al to Jamaica a year leading up to both JISA Prep & Boys & Girls Champs. 

1.  Do some background work, start with Hubert Lawrence' 'CHAMPS' 100 A Century of Jamaican High School Athletics 1910-2010.

2.  Attend sports day for at least 10 of the participating schools, most school's mark the start of the track season this way. 

3. Spend some time with these 10 schools during training to observe both athletes and their coaches as they prepare.

4. Once the season has started, attend all the development meets, from morning to evening. Be a volunteer for at least one of those schools to get a sense of all that goes into organizing the students.

5. Observe at least 10 student athletes preparing for GSAT, CSEC or CAPE examinations, and speak with their parents/guardians to understand the support system at work and how they balance their time.

6. Speak with executives of at least two of the major sponsors of these championships and be sure to ask why they continue to sponsor.

7. Spend at least a few hours with Glen Mills, Steven Francis and a member of the executive of JISA & JAAA to understand why more athletes stay in Jamaican and the role of the associations in the development of track and field.

8. Attend all days of both championships, it is essential that you keenly observe of the 8-12 year olds at Prep Champs and compare them with the high school students to understand attitude, mindset and context.

9. Spend time days after the championships with the top three schools from each level and be sure to speak to students who were not on the team.

10. Arrange a round table with all former Olympians Donald Quarry, Grace Jackson, Deon Hemmings, Juliet Cuthbert, link Merlene Ottey via Skype or FaceTime, Bertland Cameron, Maurice Wignall and any other who is not actively competing. Have them explain the evolution of Jamaica's track and field outcomes over time.

Now, if after you have done all this, you don't get it, repeat the exercise with the Primary and Secondary Schools. Beyond that, there's nothing more to offer, for if you remain unconvinced don't waste our time any further. You see, as Mike Wise of the Washington Post  (http://wapo.st/QyWtob), so aptly wrote, "Usain Bolt deserves awe, not suspicions".

Olympics 2012 – History in the 100 metres Sprints

In a year when, for the first time, the Olympic Games saw female athletes from every participating country; the results of the women's 100 metres was particularly sweet for Jamaica. And as if to repeat Helen Reddy's refrain, "I am woman hear me roar, in numbers too big to ignore", Malaysian shooter Nur Suryani Mohamad Taibi competed eight months pregnant.

The women's 100 metres was, by any reasonable measure, historic. Let's start with the winner, Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce; not only did she become the first Jamaican woman to win a 100 metres in Beijing, she is only the third woman to repeat the feat and with improved time. Our bronze medalist, Veronica Campbell-Brown with a 10.81 seconds season's best ran 0.16 seconds faster than she did in the Athens Olympics to win that bronze medal. By the way, she's eight years older and this was the fastest 3rd place finish ever.



Picture by Ricardo Makyn - Gleaner Staff Photographer

So what else made this race historic? Six of the eight finalists ran sub-11 seconds.  The London final gave us the fastest times ever in 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th and 8th places. Carmelita Jeter's 10.78 seconds would have won gold in every prior year of female Olympic 100 metres, including 2008.  VCB's 3rd place time would have won her a gold medal in every prior Olympic 100 metres meeting except 2008 or a medal in all. 

 

The men's 100 metres in London produced both incredible history and heart rending drama for Jamaica. It was for starters, overall the fastest 100 metres ever. Not since Americans Archie Hahn (1904 and 1906) and Carl Lewis (1984 and 1988) has any man repeated a gold medal run in the Olympic final of this short sprint. Indeed we can proudly declare that it is the first time in this century, it was done outright. Recall that Lewis' 9.92 seconds (upgraded) gold medal in 1988 came as a result of Ben Johnson's disqualification for doping offense and no record was broken. It is also the first time it is being done by someone who is not an American.



Picture from The Gleaner

Let's face it though, our own Usain Bolt doesn't merely win big championship races, he has this little habit of setting records along the way; this time lowering his own Olympic record to 9.63 seconds. As if to make it beyond clear that ownership should never be in question. It is on record that I wasn't prepared to "bet good money" on Bolt taking the 100 metres, but that was on July 3^rd. At the beginning of his heat in London, all doubts vanished as though waved away by a magician’s wand. I saw his face, the fun was back and I saw no signs of the worried and pained look I saw on his face in July at the National Stadium.

 

Yohan Blake, in his first Olympic appearance ran his best, his very best for his well deserved silver medal; we know it because he did it at the national trials to beat Usain. Can't ask for more than your best at 9.75 seconds, for you see, this would have won gold and the record in every year of the Olympic Games since 1896; except those won by Usain Bolt.

Picture from The Gleaner

Our collective Jamaican heart ached as we watched Asafa fall out of the race in agony from his persistent and aggravated groin injury. We'll never know but his chances were as good as any, and better than most of the other men who jostled behind Bolt for a podium spot. Don't forget that Tyson Gay too, who ran a season's best of 9.80 seconds for 4th place, has never won an Olympic medal; both men to this day remain two of the fastest in the history of recorded 100 metres results.



Like the women, the men produced a historic race with the fastest recorded times by 3rd, 4th and 5th place finishers; all from the USA with 4th and 5th having to run season's or personal bests just to place. Not entirely unfamiliar really, when losing to Usain Bolt. In Berlin, Tyson Gay set a national record to take 2nd and Asafa Powell ran a season's best for 3rd as did the 5th, 6th and 7th place finishers.

The history doesn't stop there though, if you exclude Asafa who was injured down the track, every man in that race ran sub-10 seconds. Think about it, just think about it and the one man who didn't has done in at least 78 times; more than any other. In fact, Beijing’s silver and bronze medalists would have placed 6th and 7th in this race, and one of them; Richard Thompson did.

The high tides that are Usain Bolt and Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce raised all ships in the 100 metres harbour. Every milestone deserves to be marked, and what a way to punctuate 50 years of our nation's independence.

I remain a very proud and hopeful Jamaican.