My Perfect Bank

I have, for some time, been giving deep thought to this subject. I might even say I have obsessed over it, just a bit. So, here are some thoughts on my perfect bank. To get to my perfect bank, I'll examine the things I like least about my interactions with my current bank and work backwards.

Getting Started
Opening an account is usually done once, at the start of the relationship, but sometimes one needs to open another account with the same bank. I get that I may need to interact with a real person on the first occasion, but every time after that is a huge waste of my time. 

My perfect bank on the other hand would give me the option to submit all paperwork with only an initial appearance to prove that I'm not a cat. All subsequent requests for accounts will be done online and with the help of a webcam and Skype, FaceTime  or whatever technology has to offer at the time. I can then interact with that nice customer service person from the comfort of my own space; at any hour I like. Yes, 24-hour customer service support is standard fare. After all, if I can upload a picture to apply for a US visa, what say a mere bank.

To keep my files current, they'd only ask that I upload a few certified documents every few years or so, and they'd accept scanned submissions. Or, if I wanted to do something really quaint, I could send them by courier (at my perfect bank's expense). For pictures, I'd upload a current one to my perfect bank's secure portal, which once received, will be verified by that nice customer service person on the other end of the webcam  or whatever technology has to offer at the time. After all, if I can upload a picture to apply for a US visa, what say a mere bank.

Fees
How about fees, the bane of my existence when dealing with my bank. I'd choose my own fee base from a slew of options, depending on the level of service I want. I accept that there's a price for service, I just want to have a say in how much I pay. Most importantly, the fees would be lowest when my online transactions are highest. When it comes to fees therefore, the more I do for myself from my perfect bank's incredible platform, the less I pay. 

Branch Network
But what about branches? You ask. Don't need them really, the more brick and mortar, the higher the cost of operating ergo more fees. I'll come to my perfect bank's one office that one time, otherwise a traveling officer may come to my home, office or any other convenient place, mutually agreed. After all, my insurance agent finds me when it's time to "upgrade" my coverage and it doesn't cost me a cent for that service. Come to think of it, I don't even need to go to NHT anymore to get a refund.

I do however require that my perfect bank has the necessary international credentials to ensure that my cards work for me when I travel abroad. The ATM is my perfect bank's branch network infrastructure, wherever in the world the international credentials extend.

The Other Little Things
My perfect bank's platform will allow me to set as many alerts as I need. To tell me if my account has been compromised, to tell me when transactions of a certain size have been completed, to prompt me when I've hit my floor or ceiling balances, to automate transfers and more neat or mundane stuff. My perfect bank will not require cheques to transfer funds between banks. In fact cheques would be a very expensive option and completely avoidable. 

If you think about it, you'll realise that the "new" bank on Hope Road only has one address, the problem is they don't serve individuals. Only one commercial bank in Jamaica now allows bank to bank transfers by individuals. The two big ones charge so much for so many services that it's hard to keep track. The rest of them just go along to get along. You may note that I have mentioned interest rates, that is simply because I don't need my perfect bank to be all things to me. But, if I do need to borrow money, I expect the rates to competitive and the terms to be flexible.

In the meanwhile, I'll keep dreaming.